Friday, November 16, 2007

She Stole Your Cellphone For Cocaine

Old Man: You want her to be your friend now?

Teen Age Girl: Just stay out of my life?

Old Man: But isn't she the one that stole your cell phone?

Teen Age Girl: You're ruining my life!

Old Man: You're stoned now, I can tell.

Teen Age Girl: Go away.

Old Man: You showed me the text messages where she tried to sell your phone for cocaine!

Teen Age Girl: Just shut up.

Old Man: Drug friends are the very worst kind, can't you find another way to make friends?

Teen Age Girl: Just go away.

Old Man: Yes, you wouldn't want me to ruin your high.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Dove - Not Your Usual Soap Commercials


Dove's "Onslaught" Commercial Revolutionary

Unilever, the same folks that have brought us Slim Fast, and Axe may have seen the light, or gone mad? They have released several Dove commercials which essentially mock the very foundation of the beauty industry.

Onslaught warns of how girls are brainwashed into believing themselves unworthy, and end up mutilating their bodies, and yo yo dieting to achieve a higher state of "beauty".


Dove's "True Colors" Commercial

Dove True Colors commercial doesn't sell soap, or shampoo, instead it recognizes that girls are brainwashed into hating themselves at an early age by a society hell bent on achieving bodily "perfection".


Dove's "Evolution" Commercial

This is a great commercial because most women, and men believe what they see in advertisements, and magazine covers. They then feel insecure about themselves, and it fosters a great deal of unhappiness which advertisers prey upon.


Dove's "Pro Age" Commercial

Dove has come out with a Pro-Age line of products. Dove is laying it on the line. Not only commercials, but also a line of products deliberately designed to kick some sand back into the face of those who have been bullying women about their age for a very long time.

While some are suspicious of the intent of Unilever marketing Dove this way, while selling Axe with blatant sex appeal it doesn't diminish just how good these Dove advertisements are one little bit.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

I'm Buying A "New" Car

First I want to say I won't be buying a brand new automobile. I'd have to win the lottery to do that earning what I do in my current position.

I will, however, be buying a car new to me, and very soon.

For those who know me this is a very big event. I've been driving around town for years in a rather remarkable vehicle that is just months away from being twenty years old.

Some would look at it, and see it as an aging piece of junk, but to me I saw a loyal workhorse which took me everywhere I needed to go without asking for much.

I had planned to keep my twenty year old car for three more years. I figured I'd be entirely debt free, and have a few thousand dollars saved up for a down payment on a new car by then.

That was the plan.

And as described in a prior post the car decided that it was not a realistic plan.

It conked out on me this weekend.

It's not the first time the car has come to a halt on the road. I've always shelled out the few hundred dollars here, and there to revive it, and keep it going, but this time is different.

It's probably only the timing belt. The belt slips, the alternator doesn't spin, and the battery doesn't charge. I've seen it before.

But at this point the brakes need work, the tires are bald, the front seat is broken, the head liner needs replaced, the horn needs to be fixed, there's rust forming here, and there, the paint is beginning to spot up, and the suspension is loose.

I could probably drive it, and fix it up, but it would cost fifteen hundred, or perhaps two thousand dollars.

If I did I'd still have a twenty year old car - and that's the problem.

Despite my car's loyalty, and my loyalty to it - it is time to part ways.

Having just paid off my daughter's car I can now afford to buy a new car for myself, and so that is what I'll do.

It's a thrill, and a pain in the butt to look for cars, but in the end I know within a few days, or maybe a few weeks I'll be driving around in much newer car, and I'll be asking myself then why in the heck I didn't dump the old car long ago.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Incest Father Sells Daughter Dope

Scene: Springfield, Illinois

Old Man: I can't believe you have anything to do with him.

Teen Girl: He's my father.

Old Man: He's a disgusting excuse for a human being.

Teen Girl: I love him.

Old Man: Well, there's something wrong with you then. You desperately need help.

Teen Girl: He's a victim.

Old Man: He's shacked up over at Seven Pines with his step daughter.

Teen Girl: I can't stand her, or what she's done to him.

Old Man: He's been having sex with her since she was like seven years old!

Teen Girl: He's tried to leave her, but she won't let him.

Old Man: And now, you feel sorry for this scum. He's ruined everyone around him.

Teen Girl: She beats him up.

Old Man: Because he's gotten her on drugs, and he's afraid she'll leave.

Teen Girl: I can't see what he sees in her. They both got arrested this weekend.

Old Man: She's nineteen years old, and he's nearly forty, what do you think?

Teen Girl: He fell asleep drunk, and she raped him with a beer bottle.

Old Man: He's a hopeless drunk, and now you hang out with him. This is your father figure? This is what you have chosen over good grades, a loving family, and any sense of self respect?

Teen Girl: I'll tell you the truth.

Old Man: What in hell now?

Teen Girl: He sells me my dope.

Old Man: The pot you now smoke every day because you say your life as a teen is unbearable?

Teen Girl: Yes.

Monday, November 12, 2007

You Bought Me A Piece of Shit

God Speaks But People Don't Always Listen

Father: Well don't worry we're on our way to your friend's house so you can try and find the new cell phone we just bought you to replace the one you deliberately smashed into pieces.

Daughter: Why do you have to drive?

Father: Because it's my car.

Daughter: Well I haven't driven in a week.

Father: So what?

Daughter: I can't believe you bought me that piece of shit.

Father: That piece of shit is a pretty nice car.

Daughter: The tires on it are dangerous.

Father: Which is why we're going to have them replaced.

Daughter: You bought me a piece of shit.

FATHER'S CAR SUDDENLY CUTS OUT. IT SLOWLY COAST TO SIDE OF ROAD POWERLESS.

Father: We're poor. That's why I drive around in a twenty year old car.

Daughter: What do we do now?

Father: Start walking.

email jp

  • jeromeprophet@gmail.com

archive

visitors

evworld

Slashdot

Wired News: Top Stories